


Vacations, Hypochondriacs and a Little Bit of PTSD

by Merrydith



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cabin, Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of a Car Crash, Merrydith, PTSD, Prompt Fic, Romance, The word "sex" is used like twice, Tiny Tiny Bit of Angst, Vacation, VidCon, Worksofphiction, so much love, woods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 11:32:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11417058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merrydith/pseuds/Merrydith
Summary: Neither Dan or Phil saw this weekend as one to worry about. Dan was a great driver, even though he never really got a chance to show it, and when he asked their good friend Cat to borrow her car for a few days after Vidcon, of course, she trusted him with the keys.





	Vacations, Hypochondriacs and a Little Bit of PTSD

**Author's Note:**

> An Anonymous Tumblr Request!  
> (See tumblr for prompt: http://worksofphiction.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Disclaimer: Characters are works of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. I do not own Dan or Phil and as far as I know, this never happened.
> 
> Reading Time: 00:18:46

 

Three things that should never go together are vacations, hypochondriacs and a little bit of PTSD.

Neither Dan or Phil saw this weekend as one to worry about. Dan was a great driver, even though he never really got a chance to show it, and when he asked their good friend Cat to borrow her car for a few days after Vidcon, of course, she trusted him with the keys. They figured that while they were in America, they could drive to some log cabin in the woods and have an overdue romantic getaway. The type they couldn’t get in the UK. Not authentically, anyway. The last time they were in America, they resided in Florida and although the beaches were nice, they were craving a little alone time in the woods. You know, the kind of alone time that landed them miles away from civilization.

After only a few minutes of searching online, they stumbled upon a quiet resort that fit all of their needs. It was at least 30 miles away from anything close to a city and the cabin they selected overlooked a lake. Dan nearly jumped with joy when he found out that he might be able to take some super aesthetic photos while relaxing by the water. And Phil, the master photographer he was, could snap a photo of Dan looking on fleek as he napped on the dock.

The most appealing part of this trip was that they would be completely isolated from the crazy Vidcon fans and other possible overlookers. That meant that Dan and Phil could fuck outside if they _really_ wanted to and nobody would see them. Dan took a mental note and smirked when Phil told him they had a hammock in the backyard. This trip was certainly going to be worth it.

The morning they left Vidcon was a tough one. The tricky thing about living overseas is that you never get to see your American friends. When Dan and Phil were finally able to relax on that last night, their friends threw the usual afterparty at some rando’s place, and naturally, Dan and Phil _had_ to attend. Neither expected to get sloshed but when people are shoving drinks in your hand left and right, it’s hard not to accept. Phil managed to stay on top of his drink count but Dan was gone after number 5. He took shots with Tyler Oakley, managed to chug a beer with Mamrie Hart and definitely ate some sort of gummy bear that wasn’t a gummy bear with Connor Franta. He had a blast and as usual, Phil had to drag him home and put him to bed after a total of probably 16 drinks. Phil never minded doing this. He always told Dan that he was lucky “he’s a cute drunk.” But really, Phil loved every part of Dan. Even the Dan that was petting Phil’s nose on the taxi ride home, insisting that Phil looked prettier than any girl at that party. Phil just laughed and rolled him into bed after stripping them both down.

“You know we have to get up early, My Dear,” Phil said softly, helping the boy find a comfortable spot in his arms. Dan rolled his eyes and licked his lips, looking up at Phil with a drunken stare.

“I know. If I’m lucky, you’ll drive for me so I can go back to sleep,” Dan joked. Phil laughed a little but he didn’t respond. Phil wasn’t really a driver. He just barely passed the driver’s test back in secondary school and he hadn’t been behind the wheel since he kind of sort of crashed his dad’s car. It was an accident but Phil swore to never drive if he didn’t have to. He had almost killed himself and he was terrified of putting himself or the love of his life in danger like that. Dan had agreed days ago that he would do the three-hour drive to the resort so that Phil wouldn’t have to worry about it. Dan liked driving, or so he said, and because he never got to do it, he happily volunteered. Phil cleared his throat and shook his head. Dan was drunk. He would just clarify in the morning. There was no need to worry about it.

Packing their suitcases went slowly after getting themselves up that morning. Dan wore his sunglasses as he insisted that the window light was too bright. Even after Phil closed the blinds.

“Hey, pass me the keys. I’ll go pack the car,” Dan said, his voice nearly a whisper. He looked like he regretted his drink choices from the night before. Phil knew he wasn’t saying anything because he knew Phil would make fun of him. Phil pushed his worries about Dan aside and hesitated before tossing the boy the keychain. “I think we can do it in one trip, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Phil glanced around the hotel room, noticing that once everything was packed, they really only had a few things.

“I’ll go start the car. We better get a move on. I want to be in the woods already.” Dan turned and left the room slowly, wincing as the door let out a high pitched squeak. But when he stepped out and the door closed behind him, Phil let out a sigh of relief. Dan would start the car, Dan would drive, and Phil wouldn’t kill them both.

He mozied his way down to the car, which Dan had kindly brought up to the front of the building. Phil had just given their room keys to the front desk and he was ready to get going. He opened the door to the passenger seat and noticed that Dan looked a lot happier. Maybe he was still hungover, but it seemed that he felt better to be behind the wheel.

“Come on, _Slow Poke_! The mountains are calling us!” Dan exclaimed, his hand nearly hitting the horn as he slammed it on the wheel. Phil just rolled his eyes and fastened his seat belt as he turned to Dan.

“Are you sure about this? You haven’t driven in a while, are you gonna-”

“Oh, hush. It’s like riding a bike. You never forget how to drive,” Dan said confidently as he took the car from park and began inching forward in the line of cars up front. “Put on some tunes, would ya? Cat said the Aux chord is in this thingy.”

Dan gestured to the glove compartment near Phil’s knees and he leaned forward to fish the black chord out. He plugged it into the little hole it belonged to and queued up some Muse for the long drive.

 

-

 

They arrived at their resort halfway through a Kanye album and Phil was secretly thanking the universe for ending it so early. He loved that Dan loved Kanye, but it wasn’t _his_ favorite. He had promised Dan that he would stay awake the whole drive and he did, but nothing made him want to pass out more than an entire album of Kanye West.

“Oh my God!” Dan parked the car and immediately leaped out, looking at the adorable little two person cabin that sat before them. The drive to this place was gravel roads for two miles and this was the only house in sight. It was amazing. The woods were thick and the lake was beautiful. Phil’s intention was to admire the beautiful view, but instead, he admired his boyfriend’s look of wonder as he took in the sight of their home for two days. “Phil, this is _exactly_ what I wanted!”

“Well, that’s good. Because if it wasn’t, we’d be here enjoying exactly what you _didn’t_ want,” he said snarkily. It was only after Dan flashed him a look that Phil realized he hadn’t actually kissed his boyfriend that morning. He checked his phone for the time and he noticed that there was very little service in their area. It was still before 12:00, so he could still get his good morning kiss. He waddled over to Dan with his suitcase in hand, dropping it for the surprised boy in front of him. “It looks like the service here is some crap. I guess we’ll have to find something better to do with our time than scroll through memes, huh?”

Phil was teasing and Dan loved it but of course, he acted offended, shoving Phil a little, only to get grabbed even tighter. Phil pressed his lips to Dan and his defenses fell, kissing Phil back with the passion he craved.

They lost track of time as they kissed in the driveway and it was only when Dan sneezed that they remembered where they were.

“How about we give ourselves the grand tour?” Phil offered his hand to Dan who took it gladly and they dragged their suitcases inside the home.

 

-

 

After a little bit of lounging and a little bit of hammock sex, they were sitting on the dock watching the sunset and dipping their feet into the water below. Their long legs were the perfect length for their toes to reach and they felt like they were sitting in a romance movie. Phil almost said something when Dan interrupted his cheesy thought with a wince.

“Dan, are you okay?” Phil’s voice raised an octave as he turned immediately to the boy who wore a sour expression on his face. “What’s wrong?”

Dan clutched his side and whimpered a little, face planting into Phil’s shoulder.

“Dan!” Phil squeaked, his heart rate increasing tenfold. “Talk to me. What’s happening?”

“My-ow…” Dan struggled with his words. “My side. It really fucking-”

His own pain cut off his sentence, but that was enough for Phil. His inner hypochondriac was suddenly screaming at him and he was in no position to wait it out. Phil stood up and grabbed Dan’s shoulders, pulling him up too.

“How much does it hurt? 1-10?” Phil asked, his voice rushed and his hand beginning to shake.

“Like uh…uh…” Dan clutched his side and whimpered. “Like a 9.”

“Jesus, Dan! What did you do?”

“I don’t know!?” Dan shot back, clearly unable to focus on anything but the sharp pain in his side. Phil swallowed a lump in his throat that arrived with the feeling that this was going to end badly. He tried his hardest to remember everything they had done that day. Aside from their frolicking in the hammock, they had done nothing strenuous. But his brain was shutting down and he couldn’t focus on anything but his need to help Dan. “I need…I need to get to the…ow!”

Phil knew what Dan was asking. And he knew that Dan was serious. Dan’s pain tolerance was pretty high. Phil knew this first hand. He had spent nearly nine years with this man and there had only been a few moments where Dan insisted on getting Emergency Care. Hell, the boy had nearly blinded himself before their flight to Australia and they got on the fucking plane anyway. Dan needed to be seen and he needed to be seen now.

Phil cursed under is breath, trying to make a plan. He hobbled Dan as fast as he could back to their cabin and placed him gently on the couch where he curled up and whimpered. He clutched his side and tried his hardest to hold in tears, unsuccessfully wiping the rogue ones from his cheeks. Phil didn’t want to look at him because seeing his boyfriend in pain was one of his worst nightmares, but he didn’t want to look away because the second he did, something could happen. Phil wouldn’t be having that.

He fumbled for his phone with one hand as he rubbed circles into Dan’s back, attempting to call 999, but when his service bars blinked at him signaling there was no cell reception, his brain told him that instead of a romance movie, this was now a horror film.

“Dan…there’s no…there’s no reception! I can’t call an ambulance.” Phil’s voice shook as he tried to stay calm. What a fucking nightmare. “I don’t know what to do. What do I do?”

Dan winced when he heard that there was no chance of an ambulance. He raised his one arm and pointed at the table.

“Keys. There. You gotta-” His voice was coming out in breaths and Phil’s entire face went pale when he realized what Dan was asking.

Phil was going to have to drive about 35 miles to the nearest Urgent Care.

There was no _fucking_ way.

“Dan…I can’t…I don’t know if I can…” Phil stumbled, his hands shaking more now. He couldn’t even picture what it would be like to try to drive in this condition. “I can’t drive you. I can’t.”

Dan shifted on the couch so that his tear filled eyes were looking up at Phil.

“Phil…you can.” He winced and took a few deep breaths. “Please. You gotta calm down and you gotta drive me. I really…ow…I really need to-”

He was cut off by a whimper and Phil got to his feet.

Fuck it.

He dived for the keys and helped his boyfriend up, crutching him over to the car. He gently placed him in the backseat where he could lay down across the seats. He slammed the car door shut and he threw himself into the driver's seat. After starting the car (the easy part), he stilled. He could feel the car vibrating below him and his boyfriend whimpering in the back.

Driving couldn’t be that bad.

He did it in his teen years. Now he was a _whole_ person. He could certainly do it now.

He took a deep breath and swallowed his fear. For Dan Howell.

He pulled the car into reverse and backed out slowly.

Not too bad.

He pushed the car into drive and took it slow. His hands gripped the wheel with more strength than he ever thought he possessed. He stared forward at the gravel road in front of him, cursing the car for only being able to move at a certain speed over these rocks. He wished he could teleport now more than ever, his boyfriend groaning after every little bump.

The hardest part about driving in America was that everything was flipped. He couldn’t focus when all he could think about was how in England, the driver’s seat was on the other side. That and his crying boyfriend in the back. How the hell had Dan driven all this way when everything was backwards? There was just no way.

Phil swore that he blacked out during the drive because soon they were pulling into the hospital parking lot and Phil had managed to safely get the car into a slot.

“Ph-Phil….please, help me get…ow…inside,” Dan whimpered, his hand clutching his side and his eyes nearly closed. If Phil wasn’t in a panicked state, he might admire the way Dan’s lashes fell on his cheeks when he cried. Dan Howell was beautiful, apparently, even when he was in the most pain he’d been in for a while.

Phil did as his boyfriend told him, guiding him into the building and handing him off to a nurse.

That’s when he realized he was in America. The nurse thanked him for bringing him in, but when she walked into the double doors with Dan settled in a wheelchair, she turned and told him to stay put. The two were not married and they weren’t blood-related, so Phil collapsed into a waiting room chair, letting out a breath that he didn’t remember he had been holding.

_So much for a couple of romantic days in the woods._

Phil suddenly felt very cold in the face, his arms starting to tingle and his eyes grasping for something to look at. Sadly, he could only stare at the wall ahead of him, black fuzzy edges closing in on the speck he had locked onto. After trying to fight it, he realized it was too much and he let his eyes close and his world pause for a moment.

 

-

 

He was being gently nudged awake by a nurse when he finally opened his eyes again. It had felt like an eternity but apparently, it had only been about 40 minutes. The nurse led him back to his beloved who was sitting on a hospital bed, now happily sipping some cranberry juice from a box. His troubles seemed to be solved and his face was no longer scrunched up and wet from his tears.

“Philly!” Dan greeted, his chipper tone almost irritating after everything that had happened before Phil passed out.

“Hi, Love.” His voice was tragically hoarse, stress doing that to him sometimes. Phil walked over to his bedside and greeted the brunette with a kiss, pushing his hair back and placing his lips to his forehead for an extended period of time. The nurse looked a little taken aback and Phil cursed the world for assuming straightness. But that wasn’t a concern right now. Dan was alright and smiling, they had made it to the hospital in one piece and hopefully, the problem was solved for good. “What happened?”

Dan glanced at the nurse who nodded and opened her mouth.

“Well, after talking to Mr. Howell, we found out that he had done a little bit of drinking last night. It seems that without drinking much water, his liver was taking a while to process the alcohol intake. Mr. Howell just needed a few fluids and some time to let it pass. He will be perfectly fine,” She explained, glancing in Dan’s direction. “You should lay off of the alcohol for a few weeks, alright? I assume you don’t do this often?”

Dan shook his head, clearly a tad ashamed that he had taken such poor care of his body that night. Phil also cursed himself inside because he wasn’t keeping a close enough eye on the boy he cared about more than himself.

“So can he come home then?” Phil asked, smiling sympathetically at the boy who was smiling back at him with the smuggest of looks. Phil wished Dan could have seen how difficult it was for Phil to get behind the wheel. He honestly didn’t want to think about it though, so he just looked back at the doctor for his answer.

“Yes, he’s all set. We pumped him with fluids and he should be fine. Just take it easy,” she responded, writing something on the clipboard hanging on the bed. “I’m also prescribing these painkillers that should work beautifully. Make sure you take them every four hours.”

“Yes, Ma’am!” Dan saluted, slurping the last of the cranberry juice and crushing the box in his giant hands. Phil helped Dan up and wrapped an arm around his waist for security (both for himself and for Dan), then grabbed the bag of medicine from the nurse’s hands.

“Thank you, Doctor,” Phil said, leading the boy out of the room. He seemed to be walking fine but Phil didn’t want to let go. The closer they got to the parking lot, the more from his drive he remembered.

> “Phil, faster! Please! I’m…ow!!” Dan groaned from the backseat, Phil’s knuckles going white. He was navigating them through a forest that seemed to wind every twelve seconds. He hesitantly pressed on the gas pedal and the engine reved, startling him and making him swerve. “Are we almost there?”

> “I’m trying, Dan. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he apologized, trying to keep his voice steady. The last thing he wanted was for Dan to think Phil wasn’t going to get him there safely. He wanted so badly to be capable but his heart was beating faster than it ever had.

> “Ffffuuuuck,” Dan moaned, his voice cracking and Phil’s stomach dropping. He pushed a little harder on the pedal and held his breath as he took a tight curve. They made it, but the rumble strips screamed at him as he swerved a little.

“Phil! Phil?!” Dan waved his hand in front of his face and Phil was ripped from his terrifying memory. They were now standing next to the car they arrived in and Dan was frowning again. _No, Dan. Don’t frown_ , Phil thought. He just wanted to see him happy. Laughing like this hadn’t happened. Like Phil hadn’t had to drive a multiple pound death machines 35 miles to save his boyfriend. “Phil, are you okay? You look like you just saw a-”

Before Dan could even finish his statement, Phil was falling backward and thank God for Dan because his head didn’t hit the concrete. Instead, Dan’s arms grabbed him and pulled him into his own self, Phil collapsing once more into the terrifying and cold darkness that was his unconscious mind.

 

-

 

“Phil!” Dan was kissing his cheek over and over again when Phil reawoke. This time, it didn’t feel like forever. Instead, it felt like only a blink. He couldn’t have been out for long. “Oh thank GOD!”

Dan grabbed him and wrapped his arms around Phil’s nearly shaking body as he kissed the top of his head.

“I was so worried we’d have to go back in there!” Dan joked. “That nurse was giving me shifty eyes.”

Phil usually would hit his boyfriend lightly on the arm for that joke, but Phil just gave a half smile to show his appreciation, only to then turn his face into Dan’s sleeve.

“What the hell was that, Phil? You scared the shit out of me,” Dan admitted, now fully concerned about Phil’s little fainting spell and not his own humor.

“I…I…I’m just tired,” Phil says, suddenly realizing that if he tells Dan what happened, Dan would feel bad. Even though it wasn’t technically his fault to begin with, he would feel bad that he was the cause of Phil’s little panic attack. They had spoken briefly about why Phil didn’t drive, but Phil always just said that it was because he wasn’t good at it or he “couldn’t drive in a straight line.” He never once mentioned the accident he got into and he never really figured he’d have to.

But now, as they sat in the parking lot at the American hospital, he looked into Dan’s eyes and shook his head.

“A lot happened. I’m sorry. Can we just go home?” Phil requested, his heartbeat returning slowly to the normal speed.

Dan looked at him with skeptical eyes, like he didn’t believe Phil at first, but as any good boyfriend would, he figured Phil wouldn’t lie to him and got off the ground to help him up.

“Sure thing. I’ll drive,” Dan said, grabbing the keys from Phil’s pant pocket.

“Are you sure?” Phil asked, smacking himself inside for even suggesting another option. But Dan always came first and he supposed that was the right thing to do. Luckily, Dan nodded and hopped into the driver’s side before they could even talk about it.

The drive back was silent and Phil felt bad. The guilt was eating at him. He should have told Dan. He knew it was wrong of him to pretend everything was alright. Dan wouldn’t judge him and it would probably prevent things like this happening all over again. Next time they’d be more prepared, just in case. He watched the trees go by as a passenger and decided he would tell Dan tonight once they settled in their master bedroom for the night.

 

-

 

Teeth were brushed, clothes were shed, a little bit of kissing ensued before Phil was holding Dan still on his chest, tracing little curlycues on his bare shoulder. Dan hummed quietly as they listened to the crickets out the wooden window, soothing both of their minds.

Phil didn’t want to break the silence but without this conversation, Phil’s guilt would eat him alive so he opened his mouth and took a deep breath. Dan seemed to sense he was going to speak, so big brown eyes met blue as he took Dan’s hand.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Phil started, hoping that would take the pressure off the bomb he was about to drop.

“Me too,” Dan admitted, as a smile stretched his cheeks. “Next time you gotta stop me when Tyler drags me anywhere. Tell him I’m allergic to hair dye or something.”

Phil chuckled.

“Okay. Can do.” Phil liked Dan’s humor. It was as if Dan was already trying to make Phil feel better, even though he didn’t know he was feeling off in the first place.

“Thanks for driving today. You honestly saved my ass,” Dan said, genuinely. Phil almost winced but he shut his eyes and nodded.

“Of course.”

“I know you don’t drive often…” Dan started, playing with Phil’s little tuft of chest hair.

“Yeah…” Phil sighed. “About that…”

Dan was silent. He focused on his finger and its movement beneath Phil’s neck.

“I should tell you why I don’t drive.”

“I know why you can’t drive,” Dan huffed, his smile spreading. “Cuz you can’t go in a straight line. Anyone who plays Mario Kart with you would know that, you Spoon.”

Phil laughed gently and ran a hand through Dan’s hair.

“That’s true,” he admitted, not trying to claim he was any good at Mario Kart. He was lucky he even won a handful of times. Especially against Dan Howell. “But there’s another reason.”

Dan looked intrigued now, his brown eyes sparkling more than usual. Maybe it was the subtle moonlight in their perfect little cabin, or maybe Dan Howell was just that perfect.

“When I was a teenager…” Phil swallowed the lump in his throat. Only his family knew about this and even then, it was only his Dad who knew exactly what happened. He didn’t ever talk about it and thinking about it made him shake. Dan needed to know, but Phil was reluctant. He paced himself and continued. “I borrowed my dad’s car to go to the shop. It was for something stupid, I don’t even remember what it was, and I had had my license for a week. My dad handed me the keys and told me that I was finally old enough to run errands for him, just like Martyn did at my age. I was so proud that I could be just like my older brother before he left for Uni, that I practically skipped to the car and started it up.”

Dan’s eyebrows were furrowed and Phil could tell he was confused as to where this was going. But Phil continued because he wasn’t going to stop now that he had begun.

“I was only 6 miles away from home when I saw a rabbit cross the road in front of me. And I had remembered my driving instructor telling me that I should never swerve for an animal unless it was a moose, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t run over the rabbit…” Phil gulped, shaming himself for loving all of Earth’s creatures. “So I swerved, right off the road and into a line of trees. My dashboard cracked and there was glass everywhere. Thank God I wasn’t hurt, nothing but a couple of scrapes, but my dad’s car was a wreck and the insurance people told me I was lucky I hadn’t died…”

Dan’s eyes had shifted from confusion to shock.

“Oh my God…” He blinked a few times. “How have I never heard this story?”

“I don’t really like to talk about it…” Phil admitted. “That was the scariest day of my life. I nearly killed myself, Dan.”

Phil didn’t want to cry. Not now. Not on vacation in this sweet little cabin. He was happy.

But that didn’t stop the tear from rolling down his cheek when he pictured his father’s disappointed face. His parents weren’t mad, but they never asked him to drive to the store again - not that Phil really wanted to anyway.

“I just really don’t like driving…” Phil said, his voice practically disappearing into his throat as they came out. Dan looked about ready to cry as well, reaching up and wiping a tear from Phil’s cheek as one threatened to roll down his.

“I’m so sorry you had to do that today,” Dan whispered, the guilt settling in. Phil knew that face when he saw it. Especially on Dan’s gorgeous features.

“It’s okay. Just…” Phil sighed. “No more driving.”

“No more driving,” Dan confirmed, his hand reaching up to pet Phil’s damp cheek. “I’ll drive us back tomorrow night and we’ll pretend none of this happened, alright?”

Phil nodded a little, settling himself into a comfortable position, wrapped in Dan’s arms and legs.

“I love you, Dan,” Phil said softly, his heartbeat thumping where Dan could hear it on his chest.

“I love you too, Philly.” Dan’s sleepy voice always gave Phil the chills, his arms involuntarily tightening around his boyfriend. “I’m so proud of you.”

Phil hadn’t expected to hear that.

“You saved me today, Phil. Thank you.” Dan said as he was falling into a half-sleep state. Phil smiled. It was nice to know that Dan thought these things, even when he wasn’t even paying attention. It didn’t matter that Dan had drunken a little too much or that he had messed with his liver’s chemistry. It didn’t matter that he would have been just fine with a little water in his system. It didn’t matter that Dan’s problem wasn’t even technically an emergency. Dan still claimed that he had saved him, and that was what Phil lived for.

Maybe it was because he was afraid to cause any creature harm, but he would do anything for Dan Howell. Even if that meant confronting his biggest fear. He closed his eyes and listened to his perfectly healthy boyfriend as he drifted off to sleep, thanking the universe that he had saved another creature and lived to tell the tale.


End file.
